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Dear Brad,

I think it’s important to begin by pointing out how much I adore you.  I have been following your personal life as closely as possible for many years now.  I love reading about you and Angelina and your multi-ethnic brood (and let me just say I would never judge you for following your heart).  When I come across a photo of you in a magazine, I stop whatever I am doing and gaze at you for minutes on end.  Sometimes I go so far as to rip the page out and place it lovingly on my bedside table.  Clearly you are attractive – extraordinarily so.   You are also civic minded and seem to have strong moral fiber.  I’m impressed with the work you have taken on helping to re-build (greenly!) in New Orleans. 

In regards to your film career, you have many strengths.  For one thing, you are uber-cool.  In Fight Club, you dominate with your sweaty, muscular performance as Ed Norton’s alter ego.  In Burn After Reading, your portrayal of a dimwitted personal trainer with a heart of gold is a total scene-stealer.

Obviously, I am a fan, so it pains me to say anything negative, but it is important for the future of our relationship, that I be honest with you.  Brad, there’s no other way to say this.  You are not a good actor.  Watching you try to pull off a dramatic role, such as your recent performance as Benjamin Button is like watching a ticking clock.  You seem to think that by speaking very slowly, you are achieving nuance and depth.  I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but it takes more than that.  

It may be easy to discount my opinion in the light of your Oscar nomination.  Indeed, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is the sort of sprawling cinematic beast that always seems to be so irresistible to the Academy.  The movie itself is neither great nor terrible.  David Fincher does a graceful job telling the epic tale, a story of a baby who is born elderly and ages backward throughout his life.  The actual plotline is based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald.  I have to say, I’m pretty curious to read it and see how they took a short story and turned it into a three hour movie.  Button is like a lot of elaborate, overly ambitious films.  There are parts that work and parts that don’t.  You, Brad, are one of the weaker aspects of the movie and since you’re the star… well, it just kind of deflates the whole thing.

It isn’t all bad news.   Many of your scenes were handily salvaged by your amazing supporting actresses, Cate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton and Taraji Henson.  Obviously, you have the ability to draw a stellar cast.  This is surely a testament to your alluring magnetism.  Hopefully you can take some comfort in that.

I’m sure this criticism stings right now.  I don’t expect you to get over it right away.  I just hope that eventually you will come to see that I’m right and return to the kinds of uncomplicated macho/comedic roles that you do best.  Remember Thelma and Louise?  Return to your beefcake roots.  It’s where you shine.

Affectionately yours,

Ashly 

Written and Directed by Tony Gilroy
Starring:  George Clooney, Tom Wilkinson, Tilda Swinton, Sidney Pollack
 

Often movies of the legal/crime thriller genre move too fast for me.  The moments of discovery go right over my head.  The action scenes feel chaotic and confusing.  I disrupt the experience of my fellow movie-goers (usually my husband) by asking frequent questions like,
 

“What just happened?”
“How did he know that?”
“Is that the same guy who was chasing her before?”
 

I come out of the theater dazzled by the fast-paced action sequences and the exciting explosions, but not able to articulate much about the movie other than its slick, clever, coolness.  Within a month of seeing this type of movie, I won’t usually remember the details of the plot or the characters; and within a year, I might not be able to remember whether or not I ever saw it. 
 

There are really only a few movies of this genre that have stayed with me and that I have wanted to see again and share with others.  One that ranks among my favorites (in any genre) is Witness, which of course, crosses the boundaries between thriller and romance.  Another of my favorites (also starring Harrison Ford) is The Fugitive.  Now I can add Michael Clayton to this select list.
 

It seems like a lot of action film-makers think that in order for something to be exciting, it has to be fast-paced and rapid-fire.  The resulting fevered pitch is a confusing mess to those of us not blessed with quick-wittedness.  Michael Clayton manages to be both thrilling and coherent.  From the early moments of the film, it is absolutely riveting and yet, it never feels rushed.
 

Clooney as our hero, the world-weary Clayton, is intelligent, charismatic and strong, but not too much of a tough guy to show his feelings.  Clayton is a lawyer in a huge firm, specializing in defending corporate giants and wealthy criminals.  Clayton is known as “the janitor” – He cleans up messes.   
 

The entire firm is in an uproar when a brilliant and esteemed partner, Arthur Eden (Wilkinson), strips off his clothes during a court session and declares his love to one of the plaintiffs.  It turns out that he suffers from bi-polar disorder and has a history of giving up his meds.  Clayton is sent to pick up the pieces, and it isn’t the first time he’s taken care of Arthur.  They have a history.
 

The characters are complex and interesting; likable, yet flawed.  Wilkinson mesmerizes as the crazy/brilliant Arthur.  His pitch-perfect performance is subtle, yet intense.  Tilda Swinton is excellent in her role as in-house legal counsel for the corporation Arthur is supposed to be defending. Amidst his stellar costars, Clooney registers a strong, solid presence, bringing to mind a Harrison Ford-like charisma.    
 

I guess you could say I have a thing for Harrison Ford, nonetheless, Michael Clayton ranks as one of the best movies I’ve seen in a while.
 

Grade:  A

This movie proved something to me.  Even Brad Pitt can get boring.  I’m serious!  During the last hour of this 2 hour and 40 minute film, I was literally checking my watch.  Every time the screen would fade to black I would hold my breath, hoping for the credits to start rolling.  Inwardly I was begging for the end, “Enough already.  Just kill the guy, why don’t you!”  (I hope I didn’t give anything away there.)
Maybe it’s a good idea to evaluate the title when choosing a movie.  Does it seem too wordy, awkward, self-indulgent?  These would all be apt descriptions of this film which was trying to be epic, but never achieved the glory that it attempted.   
This movie has several things that work well.  Good cast and fine performances, lovely cinematography by Roger Deakins, and a haunting atmospheric quality.  But all of this served as smoke and mirrors for a movie that lacks substance and consistency.  I felt like I was watching a montage of starkly, beautiful images with very little to hold them together.
One huge problem is the length and pacing of the movie.  It is as slow as molasses in January.  Certain aspects of the story are not at all fleshed out, like Jesse James’ biographical history and personal relationships.  This seems like it could have been an intentional thing, but I found myself frustrated.  The film feels as if it is supposed to be a character study of sorts with little or no character development. 
I have no idea what the original book was like in terms of dialogue, but here it is wildly inconsistent.  These are murderous thieves and scalawags living in the brutal, wild west.  Often the language they use is awkward and stilted, which seems appropriate to these characters, but every so often, they break into discussions of their issues and feelings as if they had suddenly drifted into a Nora Ephron movie.  It might have felt vaguely comical, if the subject matter hadn’t been so unrelentingly depressing.
Grade:  D  

We just finished watching The Karate Kid with our children, a movie that I adored as a young teen in the mid-eighties.  There’s Ralph Macchio (is his name meant to replace actual machismo?) as ”Daniel-son”, the baby-faced skinny boy who looks perpetually like a chick who has just barely hatched.  There’s Elizabeth Shue, as Ali, the sweet, round-faced girl-next-door type, who is willing to forgive ALL kinds of weakness.  And of course, who can forget Pat Morita as Mr. Miyagi, the wise old karate teacher, a warrior who will only unleash his tremendous power when faced with true evil.

It was really fun!  We were captivated by emotions that have been locked away since the days when Madonna was young and wholesome.  Isaac and I reveled in the glory of our youthful emotions.   Throughout the movie, we grinned like grandmas on crack.  We were so happy! 

But having grown up and become discriminating, it is hard to watch without my usual criticisms. 

Let’s start with the clothes.  In most scenes, Elizabeth Shue, one of the more full-figured girls to star in movies in the eighties, is dressed in bulky garments, involving yards of extra fabric, like large poofy sweatshirts, long shapeless cardigans and poodle skirts.  The result being that often she looks like a linebacker, especially in comparison to her twig of a costar.  This is probably more indicative of the overall fashion problem of the eighties, especially for girls with curves.   

Another thing we noticed was the cataclysmic wrap-up of the story.  This is no story arc.  It’s a freakin’ free-fall!  There’s absolutely no follow-up to *SPOILER ALERT* Daniel’s triumph at the karate competition.  He kicks mean old Johnny in the face and wins the competition.  The music swells and everybody rushes the stage and within about 30 seconds, that stinker Johnny is presenting him with the trophy and saying, “You’re the best, Daniel!” with such enthusiasm, it’s as if the blow to the head has completely changed his personality.  Roll credits.

Despite these flaws and some wooden performances, the whole family had a blast watching this oldie.  I found that even though I probably haven’t watched the movie in about 20 years, there were many scenes that I could quote verbatim, meaning, I must have watched this video A LOT of times.  I seem to remember that it was one of the tapes that eventually broke from too much rewinding.  Pretty amazing that it’s still so enjoyable.  I guess that’s the sign of a good, silly movie.  It may not hold up to a critical review, but you never get tired of watching.          

Starring:  Will Ferrell, Jon Heder, Amy Poehler, Will Arnett, Jenna Fischer, Craig T. Nelson 
Directed by:  Will Speck
Reviewed by: Ashly Moore

It probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone that Blades of Glory is not a film that takes on tough issues or leads to thoughtful conversations.  I don’t mind saying that I didn’t expect much of this movie.  I went in with the lowest of expectations.  And in many ways, it was exactly what I thought it would be.

It is the story of Chazz Michael Michaels, a testosterone-fueled sex addict, and Jimmy McElroy, a golden-haired perfectionist diva, who get banned from single male figure skating forever when they get into a fist-fight at the awards ceremony where they have tied for the gold medal.  Three years later, out of desperation to compete again, they team up to be the first male pairs skating team.
          
The surprise was that it worked!  Blades of Glory succeeds where so many Saturday Night Live Skit-based movies have failed.  It was really funny!  I stayed engaged and I kept laughing throughout the 1 hour and 33 minute running time.  Ferrell dominates the screen, proving his ability to be hilarious, even when he’s just being silly.
          
Jon Heder is actually the straight man here (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).  Most of what he has to do is look outraged at the crass behavior of his partner.  But he does so with a stylistic flair that is both distinct and reminiscent of his brilliance in Napoleon Dynamite.
          
As their vindictive competition, Amy Poehler and Will Arnett have a blast playing a brother and sister team who are the cloying sweethearts of the sport.  They are evil and goofy, spoofing on real-life brother and sister skating teams that have been prominent in pairs figure skating.

Everyone is clearly having a good time here and the audience gets to be in on the fun too.  The script deflects all topics that could be considered complex.  The obvious homosexual overtones of the situation are hinted at, but not addressed.  Both lead characters are “straight.”  However one does get the feeling that Chazz might be, ummm, overcompensating.     

Grade:  B +