ASHBETTY.COM

This morning, Isaac and I found out that we have some holes in our sewer line that will cost about $5,000 to fix.  Later in the day, as I was working myself into a frenzy of nagging over the fact that the kids don’t brush their teeth unless I tell them to do it, I received a mailing from Hannah’s new school.  She starts middle school this year and I have iceberg-sized fears about this new transition.  The packet contained information about the under-aged drinking problem in Seattle.  Apparently North Seattle teens report higher levels of alcohol use than both the County and the State.   

The accumulation of worries buzzed around my consciousness like fat, black flies.  The steep costs involved in maintaining our nearly 60 year old home … The deplorable grooming habits that my kids stubbornly cling to … and now, there’s under-aged drinking to worry about, not to mention under-aged sex, and drugs, and eating disorders, and the brutality of middle school culture, too.  I felt so panicked and overwhelmed at the thought of it all, I could feel my throat closing up.

I’d like to say that I sat Hannah right down and we had an honest and interactive discussion about this issue.  That she shared her nervousness about middle school and I made wise and sensitive observations that gently guided the discussion to an emotionally satisfying conclusion.  That we both cried and hugged and vowed to always be honest with each other.

But you and I both know that didn’t happen.  I did ask Hannah to sit down with me and we talked (well mostly I talked) about the underage drinking thing.  I told her that I knew I’d been acting a bit critical and I reiterated the importance of good grooming habits (couldn’t stop myself), but I acknowledged that the most important message I wanted her to hear from me was that I was proud of her.  I said that I was feeling pretty nervous about her going to middle school and being confronted with choices about things like alcohol, sex and drugs.  I got a little weepy as I told her that I trusted her and that I hoped she would always feel comfortable talking to me about the things that happen in her life.  Hannah nodded her head, put on her “I’m taking you seriously face” and told me that she would.  And then she went off to practice piano. 

I know that we haven’t got an airtight deal here.  I’m pretty sure that Hannah will make a few mistakes along the way … will not always be honest with her parents … and probably will try drinking before she is of age.  But she is a pretty awesome kid … and I am really lucky to have her.  I guess my biggest goal right now has got to be to try to give her that message as often as I can.

But I’m not giving up on the tooth-brushing.    

My job as a parent these days seems to be acting as the official naysayer in my children’s lives about 98% of the time. 

No you can’t play computer games today because you already watched three hours of television.  No, we are not getting ice cream because you’ve already had loads of crap today. And no, you cannot buy it with your own money either.  No, you can’t count the last five minutes that you’ve spent arguing with your brother as part of your piano practicing.

Often my job is to end an activity that has already begun.  Stop running through the sprinkler in your new school clothes.  Stop wiping your hands on the the tablecloth.  Your napkin is right there.  Stop saying the punch line over and over again.  It doesn’t make the joke any funnier. 

On a daily, really hourly, basis, I’m just trying to reinforce messages that I’ve been working on for many years.  Brush your teeth!  Pick up your things!  Please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, flush the damn toilet already, will you!?

I’ve heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  That is also the definition of parenting as far as I can tell.  I am sure that the experts would be able to suggest some effective techniques for teaching my children, but the mental exhaustion I suffer as I navigate endless negotiations, reminders and lectures makes it hard to even think about that kind of innovation.  I’m just not that clever.  I just have to hope that repetition and example will eventually do the trick.

2008 Whidbey Island “Race the Rock” Triathlon

Total Time: 2 hours 13 minutes and 58 seconds

Division Place: 1st out of 9 women in the “Orca” category (150 lbs and over), 5th out of 16 for women ages 35-39.

Yesterday, I participated in the Whidbey Island Triathlon with my friends, Mary, Kate and Sandra.  The first time the four of us went on a training ride together, Sandra noted that she was in company with Mary, Kate, and Ashly. 

This was my second time doing this triathlon.  I really enjoyed the experience last year, but in the days leading up to the event, I felt a cold coming on and I doubted my ability to compete well in the race.  On the night before, Friday, the four of us stayed on the Island at a cabin owned by Mary’s aunt.  We were very well behaved and only drank one beer a piece, despite the feeling that we were on vacation and could therefore do whatever we wanted.  I took huge amounts of vitamin C all day, hoping to stave off illness.  Before bed, on impulse, I took a Benadryl, hoping it would help me sleep better, as well as clear any congestion I was feeling.

I woke up at 5:30 feeling quite well and cooked eggs and bacon for everyone.  After eating, we got dressed and left in two cars to check-in and set up our transition areas.  This race is unusual in that it has two different transition areas so you have to think clearly about what you need for each area.  The air was heavy and cold as we set up our bike/run transition area.  I was worried it might rain and tried to cover up my running shoes as much as possible, then off to Goss lake to set up our swim/run transition area and begin the race.

There is limited parking at Goss lake, so first, we had to find the designated parking area, which turned out to be a bit stressful.  Mary and I found ourselves arguing about which way to go, so we decided to let Sandra and Kate lead the way.  We found a nice parking area about a mile from Goss lake and rode our bikes to the start.  We set up our bikes and transition areas and got our body marking done.  Then we stood, shivering in the chilly morning air, waiting for the race to start.  There were four waves in this little triathlon.  1 and 2 were males, 3 and 4, females.  I liked this setup because men tend to be faster and more aggressive than women (biological fact!) so there wasn’t too much testosterone on the course at the same time as me.

The Swim - For this swim, the starting line is in a spot where you can’t touch the bottom.  I like that because, treading water gives you a chance to get warm before the race begins.  As we swam out, I felt some of my nerves drifting away.  This swim felt great.  For the first time, I was able to sustain the crawl for the entire swim.  I felt strong and steady throughout.  I figured this would be my best time ever and as you’ll see it wasn’t any better than last year and it was slower than other half mile swim times that I’ve gotten.  I can’t explain this, other than to think that these distances vary and that this must have been a longer half mile than usual.  20:41

Transition 1 - I came out of the water feeling strong, but the transition here was rough.  I had a headache from the swimming.  I ran up the steep bank to find my transition bag, which were placed in order in rows.  I got my biking gear out of the bag and started putting it on.  It’s much easier to remember all the pieces of a transition when it’s laid out in front of you.  Having it jumbled up in a bag felt confusing so I think I did a lot of shuffling around as I tried to think things through.  Finally I was done and I handed my bag to a volunteer and ran to where the bikes were racked. 4:51

Bike - This is a 19.5 mile course which includes one and a half times around a hilly loop before a short and fairly flat ride to Transition 2.  My ride was pretty uneventful.  I drank a lot of my energy drink early in the ride, hoping to alleviate my headache.  It worked, but then I felt pretty thirsty as I finished the bikeride.  I kept passing the same women and then they passed me back and so forth.  This was a tough ride, what with all the hills, and my thighs and butt were feeling sore even as I rode, but my lungs felt fine.  My time this year was a bit slower than last.  I’m starting to think I didn’t train hard enough on bike.  This makes sense though because last year I was working out with a triathlon group where I had a variety of challenging rides planned for me, where as this year, I trained mainly on the flat Burke-Gilman trail.   73:11

Transition 2 - I sat down and drank a lot of water and changed my shoes.  I also stretched a bit because I had gotten so sore on the bikeride.  As in the first Transition I felt a bit discombobulated and I’m sure I could have moved a little faster.  Oh well.  It’s something to work on. 3:22

Run - This 3.8 mile course starts along a lovely, wooded path that is also a steep uphill.  By the time you get up to the flat, grassy playing fields at the top of the hill, you’re feeling pretty darn irritated, but I knew that the rest of the course was pretty level.  I managed to run the entire way up that first leg which allowed me to pass a lot of the women I’d been riding with.  I stopped for a drink of water at the top and then headed out to the next section of the run, heading downhill, along a peaceful, tree-lined road. 

I went as fast as I could, knowing I could always slow down during the final stretch which was a long and gentle uphill.  I passed a lot of women and one or two men during the run and exchanged encouraging words with many of them as I passed by.  I felt very strong at this point knowing that I was so nearly finished.  At one point during the last uphill section, I was sorely tempted to stop running, but just by slowing down a bit, I made it to the top.  As I came into the park, there was no one in front of me.  I crossed the finish line feeling like a winner. 31:50

Summary - I felt great during this triathlon, in contrast to Seafair a few weeks ago.  I love how small and friendly the event feels.  It would be a great choice for people who are doing a first tri or nervous about crowds.  It makes me want to stick with smaller venues from now on.  I was shocked to discover that I actually won my division.  For one thing I didn’t remember that I had registered as an “Orca” and while I felt like this was a personal best for me in many ways, I wouldn’t have expected to place first in any category.  But I’m awfully proud of myself.  I don’t think I’ve ever won a sporting event before.