Constructive Criticism
Dear Brad,
I think it’s important to begin by pointing out how much I adore you. I have been following your personal life as closely as possible for many years now. I love reading about you and Angelina and your multi-ethnic brood (and let me just say I would never judge you for following your heart). When I come across a photo of you in a magazine, I stop whatever I am doing and gaze at you for minutes on end. Sometimes I go so far as to rip the page out and place it lovingly on my bedside table. Clearly you are attractive – extraordinarily so. You are also civic minded and seem to have strong moral fiber. I’m impressed with the work you have taken on helping to re-build (greenly!) in New Orleans.
In regards to your film career, you have many strengths. For one thing, you are uber-cool. In Fight Club, you dominate with your sweaty, muscular performance as Ed Norton’s alter ego. In Burn After Reading, your portrayal of a dimwitted personal trainer with a heart of gold is a total scene-stealer.
Obviously, I am a fan, so it pains me to say anything negative, but it is important for the future of our relationship, that I be honest with you. Brad, there’s no other way to say this. You are not a good actor. Watching you try to pull off a dramatic role, such as your recent performance as Benjamin Button is like watching a ticking clock. You seem to think that by speaking very slowly, you are achieving nuance and depth. I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but it takes more than that.
It may be easy to discount my opinion in the light of your Oscar nomination. Indeed, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is the sort of sprawling cinematic beast that always seems to be so irresistible to the Academy. The movie itself is neither great nor terrible. David Fincher does a graceful job telling the epic tale, a story of a baby who is born elderly and ages backward throughout his life. The actual plotline is based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I have to say, I’m pretty curious to read it and see how they took a short story and turned it into a three hour movie. Button is like a lot of elaborate, overly ambitious films. There are parts that work and parts that don’t. You, Brad, are one of the weaker aspects of the movie and since you’re the star… well, it just kind of deflates the whole thing.
It isn’t all bad news. Many of your scenes were handily salvaged by your amazing supporting actresses, Cate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton and Taraji Henson. Obviously, you have the ability to draw a stellar cast. This is surely a testament to your alluring magnetism. Hopefully you can take some comfort in that.
I’m sure this criticism stings right now. I don’t expect you to get over it right away. I just hope that eventually you will come to see that I’m right and return to the kinds of uncomplicated macho/comedic roles that you do best. Remember Thelma and Louise? Return to your beefcake roots. It’s where you shine.
Affectionately yours,
Ashly