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This morning, Isaac and I found out that we have some holes in our sewer line that will cost about $5,000 to fix.  Later in the day, as I was working myself into a frenzy of nagging over the fact that the kids don’t brush their teeth unless I tell them to do it, I received a mailing from Hannah’s new school.  She starts middle school this year and I have iceberg-sized fears about this new transition.  The packet contained information about the under-aged drinking problem in Seattle.  Apparently North Seattle teens report higher levels of alcohol use than both the County and the State.   

The accumulation of worries buzzed around my consciousness like fat, black flies.  The steep costs involved in maintaining our nearly 60 year old home … The deplorable grooming habits that my kids stubbornly cling to … and now, there’s under-aged drinking to worry about, not to mention under-aged sex, and drugs, and eating disorders, and the brutality of middle school culture, too.  I felt so panicked and overwhelmed at the thought of it all, I could feel my throat closing up.

I’d like to say that I sat Hannah right down and we had an honest and interactive discussion about this issue.  That she shared her nervousness about middle school and I made wise and sensitive observations that gently guided the discussion to an emotionally satisfying conclusion.  That we both cried and hugged and vowed to always be honest with each other.

But you and I both know that didn’t happen.  I did ask Hannah to sit down with me and we talked (well mostly I talked) about the underage drinking thing.  I told her that I knew I’d been acting a bit critical and I reiterated the importance of good grooming habits (couldn’t stop myself), but I acknowledged that the most important message I wanted her to hear from me was that I was proud of her.  I said that I was feeling pretty nervous about her going to middle school and being confronted with choices about things like alcohol, sex and drugs.  I got a little weepy as I told her that I trusted her and that I hoped she would always feel comfortable talking to me about the things that happen in her life.  Hannah nodded her head, put on her “I’m taking you seriously face” and told me that she would.  And then she went off to practice piano. 

I know that we haven’t got an airtight deal here.  I’m pretty sure that Hannah will make a few mistakes along the way … will not always be honest with her parents … and probably will try drinking before she is of age.  But she is a pretty awesome kid … and I am really lucky to have her.  I guess my biggest goal right now has got to be to try to give her that message as often as I can.

But I’m not giving up on the tooth-brushing.